Go… Ke F See…
When I was a very young child, I slept with my parents. Often before putting me to bed, my dad would spend time with me and he would lay in bed and using his legs, he would lift me up high. I would be thrilled and spread my hands out, pretending I was flying like Superman. It was so easy to be happy then.
I remember once my dad lost balance and I fell on top of him. We both laughed. I then gave my dad a kiss on his face. It caught him by surprise. He asked me why I did that. I was shy but I told him that I ’sayang’ him. I was the only child then and even though my two other brothers came along, I was his favourite.
Sometime during the mid/late 70s, KL experience some major floods (I can’t really recall when. I was really young). We stayed with my grandmother and that area was flood prone. My dad had to drive his car out of our housing area to some higher ground and take a long walk back. I remember I fell really sick with some kind of serious illness (again I don’t remember the details now) but it was serious enough that I was eventually hospitalized for days.
I remember it was at night and it was pouring cats and dogs when my grandmother suggested that they call a family friend living nearby who was a doctor. He came and he suggested that I had to get medical attention asap.
My dad then piggybacked me in the pouring rain through the flood. I slept throughout the walk out of our area to the car but I remember waking up in the middle of the journey. The flood waters were waist high and even though he piggybacked me, my feet touched the water. I could hear my dad huffing and puffing, struggling against the flood. Somehow I felt safe.
The next thing I remember was sitting up in the hospital bed with my mom beside me. Days had passed and I was well again. I remember my dad walking into the ward after work. I was so glad to see him. I think I was three or four years old.
The first time I felt embarrassed of my dad was when I was twelve years old. I was on my school’s football team and he came to watch me play. Whenever the coach decided to leave me on the bench, my dad would question him why I wasn’t in the team that afternoon. My friends made fun of me. It was embarrassing.
As I grew older, we drifted apart. By the time I was in secondary school, my dad no longer played a major part in what I did. He no longer came to pick me up as I wanted to take public transportation myself. Even though he drove me to school in the mornings (if he didn’t do it, I wouldn’t have gone to school), we hardly ever said anything in the car. My mom became our official channel of communication. If he wanted to let the sons know anything, he’d tell my mom. I think without my dad taking an active role in what I was doing is probably one of the reasons why I mixed with the wrong crowd and got involved in the triads.
Things improved when I started working and bought my first car. I knew nothing about cars so I asked him most of the time.
When I got married and moved out, I hardly saw my parents. I was enjoying my independence. I could do whatever I wanted and I didn’t have my parents around nagging me. I stayed out until 5am in the morning and slept until 3pm in the afternoon. I lived my own life and hardly saw my dad except on special occasions.
When my kids arrived, my parents became active again, taking up their grandparents role but my wife soon killed their eagerness. As I became a father, I started to appreciate my parents, especially my dad. I started to understand some of the things he did. I went back ‘home’ to see them once in awhile. I started to notice how much he has aged and how often he was sick.
But I never did anything. I never offered to do anything. Thank God for my brother, the second son in the family. He took over my role, the role of the eldest son. He took care of his parents. He took the initiative to drive my dad to the doctors, for check-ups, etc. I was comfortable that he was around to take care of dad. I neglected my responsibilities as the eldest in the family. I often used my busy career as an excuse.
Then the day came when my dad rammed his car into another car and as a result he was assaulted by the other driver. My youngest brother called me and I was upset that dad had been so careless. I was upset that he was assaulted. I told my brother to take dad to make a police report as I was ‘busy’.
The next few days, my brother, the second son, called and said that there was something seriously wrong with dad. He had stepped on the accelerator and rammed the other car because he couldn’t feel his leg. I told him dad was getting old, what did he expect.
Later that week, when my dad woke up in the morning, he couldn’t move. Half of his body didn’t respond. Half his face was stiff and he lost his speech. He was rushed to the medical centre and the doctors told us dad had suffered a stroke. We should have gotten him medical attention the moment he couldn’t feel his leg. It’s too late now. He would have to be wheel chaired bound from now on.
Dad was devastated. Tears rolled down his face. Mom was angry at him but also worried that he would give up.
I thought my daughter could give him some cheer. Encourage him to get well. Dad was always happy to see his grand daughter. But my wife didn’t want our daughter to be at the medical centre. She said it’s full of germs and bacteria. Our daughter could get sick.
I demanded my wife to explain to me why she didn’t think that our kids could get sick when they went to visit my father in-law who had his appendix removed two weeks before my dad’s stroke. Why is she now afraid that our daughter would get sick from being in a medical centre? That’s the day when I first thought of the word ‘divorce’.
The next afternoon, my daughter followed me to visit my dad. I told her what ‘Yeh-yeh’ was going through. I told her she had a mission. I wanted her talk to her Yeh-yeh. To be honest, I needed her to say things I couldn’t say.
We walked into the room and my dad was asleep. He woke up when he heard us whispering. He cried when he saw my daughter. My daughter called him. He tried to speak but could only mumble. My daughter couldn’t understand. I couldn’t understand. So in the end, he just kept quiet and let my daughter talk. My daughter just asked questions. Why was Yeh-yeh like this? When will Yeh-yeh be well again?
I turned around and looked out the window. I cried uncontrollably. My thoughts went back to that night when my dad carried me on his back. I was disappointed in myself. I had failed as a son. I’m the worst son any father could ever have. My daughter asked me why I was crying. I just continued crying until I saw my dad was looking at me. I then hid my emotions away.
In the end, we had to go and my daughter told my dad, "Bye bye, Yeh-yeh. You faster ok again. Ok oledi we go eat KFC together ah?" My dad with tears rolling down his face, nodded his head a few times.
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During CNY’s eve, we had dinner at my parent’s home. Thanks to my mom, my brothers, my uncle and his girlfriend, my dad is currently going through weekly therapy sessions.
Although he still can’t speak and can only mumble, he looks much better this year then before. Most of the time, he sits in his wheel chair by himself watching TV.
This year, I heard my dad mumble to my daughter, ‘Go… Ke F See…‘ (Go KFC).
I come back and read later.. tonite loh-kung not around, can kaypoh bigtime!! I go look for some kuaci and kacang first… :D
Reply : Eat again ah? :P
Comment by kat — 11 February 2008 @ 6:36 pm
Abuthen… :P
Reply : Wat else… take out the cards, u ‘cho jong’ lar.. ;)
Comment by kat — 11 February 2008 @ 6:48 pm
You loh-sai mai… and big risk taker.. of cos you cho jong lah..
So what has milk to do with sex ah??
Reply : Cho Jong need alot of capital wan leh! I no money, u got alot of money mah. ;)
I post about it tomorrow.
Comment by kat — 11 February 2008 @ 7:19 pm
I’m like you, cannot express how I feel to my father. And he is typical Asian father - I have never heard him say ‘I love you’ to me. And I find it very hard to say it to him too. When I left, I was overcome by emotion and althogh I hugged him hard, I still couldn’t say the words. They are just words, I tell myself. It won’t kill me to say them. Perhaps I will say them the next time I see him in a few months time. I hope I still have a chance to say it then.
You still have time to say whatever you need to say to your dad. He is still around, but he will not be around forever. Just go over to the house, give him a hug and tell him you sayang him. Forget about apologising for all that you should have done. Just do it, ok? Please. Thank you.
Reply : I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do it.
Comment by kat — 11 February 2008 @ 7:35 pm
Oh… now after reading this post I understand why you gave me the advice you did when my dad had stroke. :)
Yes, faster go eat KFC with your dad and your daughter. And I hope he gets better and better with each passing day. *hugs*
Reply : Yeah, we’re partly responsible for his condition. If only we had been more aware earlier.
Comment by rinnah — 11 February 2008 @ 8:08 pm
Dude..i was crying a lil at the part u were crying…Dun call me a pussy but it was touching…
Reply : Dude, I’m a firm believer that it’s ok for a grown man to cry. If something moves me to tears, I won’t feel ashamed as long as I don’t cry like that ‘Leave Britney alone’ guy (or was it a girl? I dunno).
Having said that, Dude! You’re such a wuss! Hahahaa.. just joking.
Comment by pookyma — 11 February 2008 @ 10:41 pm
Even though expressing words of love towards our parents can be quite ‘yuk ma’ at times, I still do it~ not often but at times when I really really mean it.
but my dad also very yong sueh wan! when I tell him he like *shivers* and acts like its very yuk ma! what to do? my dad so kolot! but im sure inside he is full of joy and pride wan just kesi kesi only wan! hahaha
Reply : You are able to do it because you’re still close to your dad. And imagine you have a relationship with your dad, it’s still yuk ma for you.
My dad and I drifted apart when I was a rebellious teenager. It’s harder for me now.
Comment by Jess — 11 February 2008 @ 11:51 pm
Hey.. Adrian,
Things can only get better from here ya.. :) you take care..! i never knew my dad. He is alive.. but he never comes home.. and we never kept in touch. so my story with my dad is totally different from yours.
Reply : I can’t really comment about ur relationship with ur dad because I don’t know the story. I’d like to ask you but I sked u say I very busybody! :P
Comment by Mama BoK — 12 February 2008 @ 1:23 am
That ‘busy’ answer reminded me of this year’s CNY ad by Petronas. (I think) U got see?
I also notice that my dad is not getting younger when I was home :(
Aihhh… I dunno what to comment liao… I hope your dad will get well soon.. and dun forget to go to KFC wt your girl & dad :)
Now I hungry pulak talk abt KFC :P
Reply : I din see lar… Nowadays I really no time to see tv liao. I got time also I hang around ur blog lar… ;)
So u got sayang ur dad or not?
Hahaha… I was also gian for KFC that nite at 12am, lucky Kepong got 24hour KFC. :P
Comment by angel — 12 February 2008 @ 2:54 am
Now that you know both of you drifted apart mai.. start built the relationship again lor..
If u shy do it urself do together with ya daughter lor..
*hugs* hope uncle will get better soon.. and can eat alot alot of KFC..
Reply : It’s hard (for me).
Comment by janicel — 12 February 2008 @ 9:30 am
Bro, you know, it is stories like this that makes me read your blog. Really touching… I too have problems telling my parents I love them. Yea, they can be naggy at times and sometimes I get annoyed. At the end of the day, I feel guilty because I know how much they love me and how much I love them.
Reply : But yet, it’s hard to express out to our parents isn’t it?
Comment by Alvin — 12 February 2008 @ 10:44 am
I know what it feels like not feeling at ease expressing myself to my old man. I’m just glad your father is better and willing to seek therapy. At least your father was like a ‘father’ and played with you when you were young. Mine won’t even touch me or carry me at all. Now I’m too big for him to touch.. :-P Yuck. lol
Hey, hospital got germs? I thot last time your wifey was hospitalized the children came to visit her wat??! She din complain meh?
Reply : Why? Why didn’t ur dad even carry u?
Let’s not talk about the time when she was admitted. Her own kids mah. But my father inlaw was admitted just two weeks before my dad got stroke. We brought the kids to visit her dad, no complain. But my dad, got complain. My wife didn’t even visit my dad when he was in the hospital. But it’s ok, I’d prefer it that way. If not, sure got something to say wan.
Comment by helen — 12 February 2008 @ 12:16 pm
i loved this post, i loved it so much. it’s so bittersweet but i think deep down, he must know how much you love him.
Reply : I dunno. I really doubt that he would think that. If I were him, I would think that my son is living his own life but at least I have two other sons.
Comment by Kimberley — 12 February 2008 @ 3:13 pm
i’m reading this entry of yours at a cafe in midvalley (yeah in KL again for work), and my tears are rolling down my cheeks as i read it. i better stop those tears, otherwise the ppl ard me will think this woman gila liao!! :)
adrian, its not too late. it may feel weird trying to express your love for your dad. but these things no need to express wan. just through your gestures, he will know one. and like janicel said, build the relationship back with your daughter loh. it will be easier that way. :)
Reply : Yeah, I should have put up a warning. This post might cause tears, do not read in public. :P
I agree with you that getting my daughter involved will be easier.
Comment by lingzie — 12 February 2008 @ 5:10 pm
Seriously….im not exactly close to my dad but i just never express my love towards my parents.I just don’t know how to and i always fear they won’t give a fuck even if i show them.
Maybe iw as wrong but i will try maybe sometime in future,There was once when my mum complained to my dad how rebelious i was and my dad told me that my mum cried telling him that.I act like a lansi lanciau kia but i cried in the toilet.
Reply : I think your parents will care if you show them but I think many (not the young kids) in our society, don’t express their love openly to their parents.
I’ll be honest and tell you that has happened to me many, many times when I was a teenager. I’m a rebel in front of my parents, making my mom cry, etc.. but I would be affected too. Crying in the toilet, my room, etc.
Comment by pookyma — 12 February 2008 @ 10:33 pm
Very touching post. Thanks for sharing as it reminds me to enjoy and appreciate my parents.
While the past may be filled with regrets and what ifs, at least your dad is still around and you still have the opportunity to fill his years ahead with good moments and do not let it fill with any more what ifs. Grandkids are good bridge makers…so start with KFC ;)
On a lighter note…hmmm maybe KFC should use your story as their advert script instead of those “stapid” free plastic jugs and what noughts as their advert.
Reply : I hear you.
Hahaha… I think I’ll try to sell my ’script’ to KFC in return for their plastic jugs. :P
Comment by WMD — 12 February 2008 @ 10:34 pm
Haha…at least we have something in ommon…these days i’ve been checking out girls with nice legs…fucking bad influence from this blog…aahaha
Reply : Check out only ar? Got ask tel. no or not? ;)
Eh, Angel was in PG eh… those girls u checked out could have been her. :P
Comment by pookyma — 13 February 2008 @ 1:06 am
YOU ARR! i no read no read, come back read oni u bring tears to my eyes… ish!
so, did u bring Ke F See for ur dad or not???????
Reply : Sorry I made u cry ah… :P
Comment by ShannonC. — 19 February 2008 @ 11:55 am
Your wife…sounds like my mom. Hospitals=sick ppl=germs.
I was prevented to go to the hospital before, when my g-father was admitted. But since I was already an adult, I went against her ‘advice’… I’m glad I did. He died then… sigh…
Reply : Perhaps ur mom was trying to ’shield’ u from being sad about ur grand dad. Perhaps she was worried about how u would feel when u saw ur grand dad.
Comment by mott — 20 February 2008 @ 4:20 am
NO.
She didn’t care that he died. Like I said, She’s like your wife. STONE COLD.
Of course, not the wrestler la…
Reply : Then u wouldn’t be surprised with my wife’s antics.
Comment by mott — 20 February 2008 @ 3:21 pm
well, never too late to bring ‘yeh yeh’ to kfc o.o
Reply : Now too late liao. Yeh yeh kenot eat KFC.
Comment by Irene — 7 April 2008 @ 12:16 am