Behind every successful man is a woman
When I was earning a steady income working for someone, my wife always told me that I should go into business instead. She felt that by working for someone my income was capped. There’s only so much you can earn when you’re working for someone. Using real life examples of people we knew who had gone into business and had become wealthy, she felt owning a business is always better than working for someone.
One example is a guy called W who worked in the same company as us (my wife and I worked in the same company when we met). W was one of the sales managers in the same division as my wife. When I left the company, W was already married with three kids. He drove a Perdana and lived in a modest flat. A few years later at an ex-colleagues wedding dinner, I met W again. He had left his wife and three kids. He sat next to me and sitting next to him was his new wife. He told me that he had started his own company at the encouragement of his new wife.
At that time I was doing quite ok in my career and I was Country Manager for a Scandinavian consulting company. His new wife kept asking me questions about how I build my contacts, what I do to build relationships with clients, etc. When they found out I played golf with clients, she immediately told W that he should pick up golf. I got the impression that she was ‘pushing’ him or maybe I should say driving him. And I mean it in a good way.
A few years after that dinner, I saw W’s face featured in newspapers and business magazines. I then had business opportunities with him when he asked me to help launch online portals for a few foreign embassies, all his clients. In my eyes, he was a successful businessman. He owned the 3 storey shoplot his company was operating from. He was driven around by a driver in a S-Class, he also owned a Volvo and a Toyota Harrier. He owned a home in a prestigious gated community. He doesn’t have any regrets in leaving his first wife and three kids. If he hadn’t done so, he believed he wouldn’t be where he is today. They are history as far as he is concerned. He only wants to concentrate on his life now. He also told me that his second wife was helping him in his business and he credited his success to his wife. She was constantly driving him on to succeed. He stands by the saying, ‘Behind every successful man is a woman’.
In Uncle_Lim_Goh_Tong’s book, which I have to say is the ‘clean’ version (I do not believe that he did not have to bribe anyone to get those mega projects). He did however mention something similar where he said he appreciated his wife’s sacrifices and contribution to his success. He married his wife when she was just 16. In those days it was the norm to marry at a very young age. If you try that today, you’d probably end up in jail. :P
Uncle_Lim said he was very grateful for his wife. Uncle_Lim had to travel and was away often but his wife fully understood the nature of his work. She took care of the household. Never once did Uncle_Lim had to worry about the children because he knew his wife was there. She made sure he had a warm and cozy home to come back to, where he could relax and forget about his troubles outside. It was her policy to not interfere in his external affairs and concentrated only on her role as homemaker. According to Uncle_Lim, because of this, they seldom quarreled and they were able to enjoy a blissful life.
Taking care of the household is not only what she did as she also had a hand in a few decisions related to his business such as the naming of Genting_Highland in Chinese. When he ran into business and financial problems, she was always ready to share his problems and give him encouragement and support without complaints.
But honestly I think that was zaman dulu. I think in those days women didn’t have the opportunity they have today. So no choice. In this day and age, women are more empowered, more independent and stronger. Staying at home to be a homemaker is a choice one makes and no longer a ’so no choice’.
When I asked my wife if she wanted to stay at home after dotter was born, she made it clear that there was no way in hell that she was going to give up her career. It wasn’t because we needed the money. My income alone could cover our expenses. It was because she had real prospects in her work to go into management and she didn’t want to give that up. In all honesty, I’m glad she didn’t give up her career because I don’t think she could stand the pressures of being a homemaker, dealing with two sakkai kids.
When my boss decided to pull out, I decided to take over the business. I told my wife and she was against the idea. WTF rite? All those years of saying that I should go into business but when I finally decided to, she becomes all negative. Now I know why I’m still not successful. I didn’t have a woman behind me. :P
I’ve got more to say but in the next post lar. I’m not feeling well today. The weather’s freaking hot and my ‘telurs’ are already separuh masak liao.
ZZZZZZZZZZZ…..
eh, potong stim lah lu…
separuh masak, sudah boleh makan? dua biji!!
Reply : Sick lah… where got stim? :P
Comment by a n g e l e s — 21 April 2009 @ 12:23 am
haven’t u heard? behind every unsuccessful man are two women! *rofl*
Reply : Dats why I only have 1 woman. The other didnt want to stand behind me.
Comment by jjmm — 21 April 2009 @ 12:44 am
HAHHAH…weather here at my place also farking hot bro…
Lepas mandi nia sweat ady!!
Looking forward to your next post!!Very nice story anyway.
But ur fren abit teruk la.Leave behind his 3 kids?WTF la!!
Reply : Yeah! Come out from shower straight away sweat.
Comment by Pookyma — 21 April 2009 @ 5:21 am
that’s what i don’t get.
how come man can be successful and wife has to sacrifice everything. that’s ok?
but if man sacrifice everything and wife is successful, then what? The man is not a ‘man’ becoz he stayed at home and took care of house and kids? Why do men always feel so inferior when they don’t “WORK FOR MONEY”??? Don’t you think that would apply to women?
Women today have harder choices, they not only have to consider their career, they have to consider relinquishing their caretaker duties in terms of kids and house. And they still have to feel guilty about it.
What does a man know about such decisions? They only think about making money. Always thinking money will bring happiness. Lots of it.
I will tell you in every marriage where the woman is more successful than the man…the marriage will break up. WHY? Becoz man cannot stand not having the ‘balls’ in the family.
Bleargh!
Reply : U living in which zaman arh? Last year a survey came out that malaysia now has a higher number of men staying at home while the women went out to earn a living. It said men were becoming lazier. :P
I agree with you on your point regarding marriages where the women is more successful than the men, could lead to conflict. But I also know real life cases where conflict exists bcoz the wives complaint about their husbands staying at home and they have to go out to earn a living.
Akcerli I don’t mind staying at home while my woman takes care of the money. I don’t see anything wrong with that. I pray that would happen everyday. :P
But also a woman is better at some things than a man, taking care of the home is one of them (thats my opinion). With a man, the kids will probably be eating chips & ice-cream for lunch, every meal would be pizza delivery, spend the afternoon on their PS3 instead of going thru their homework, clothes will be everywhere, kids would be in their school uniforms the whole day, dishes would be stacked on the kitchen sink (the wife would probably have to wash them when she comes home), etc. :P
Also, you know I was on a project for an airline last yr, two of their top GMs were women whose husbands stayed at home. I feel its becoming more acceptable especially with the educated group.
Comment by mott — 21 April 2009 @ 10:02 am
Agree with you on the 1st and 8th paragraph! Not that I don’t agree with the rest of the post but those are facts, so no comment. 10th para: Yalor! WTF lah! HAHAHAHA!!! Behind every successful man is a woman. Not just any woman. A positive one, that is.
Reply : Aiyah, I write so long u only agree two paragraphs nia? :P
Comment by Clare — 21 April 2009 @ 10:36 am
You never wear sarong ah? Sarong not hot mah.. esp when you sit kangkang. Or with one leg up.
Reply : When I’m alone, I go completely full monty. And there’s a perfectly good reason for dat. No need to wash so many clothes.
Comment by kat — 21 April 2009 @ 7:00 pm
i had a guy friend whose wife pushed him very hard to excel. made him take exams, made him change jobs, probably a couple of times. now he end up being an aircon technician instead of the officer post he once held. but of cos all stories are different.
Reply : Correct also. some men cant be pushed. They’re too heavy. :P
Comment by mistipurple — 21 April 2009 @ 7:21 pm
Wow.. totally agree with Mott.
Hopefully someday in the future like year 9999, our offspring can tell the story of grandfather hansem hansem man and called it ‘Zaman Dulu’ ;P
Reply : I semi agree with mott. :P
I think times are achanging. I only see traditional families thinking that way that once married a woman has to stay home to be a home maker. I also notice that there are more succesful women today where their hubs r the ones who stay at home. I think there are men who can accept that their wives are more succesful than them, especially the younger generation male and the educated ones.
Comment by flopper — 21 April 2009 @ 8:03 pm
U still have V mar……
Reply : Honestly I keep my business to myself. Haven’t reach that stage yet.
Comment by Alan Tan — 21 April 2009 @ 11:04 pm
u r right. men are terrible, terrible caregivers. how come all fathers seem feed their kids chips & ice cream for lunch ah?? last time whenever i left my girl with hubs, came back dat time sure eat junk food! u men all never learn sains kesihatan meh?! grrrrrr….
Reply : Errr…. Sains kesihatan? got meh?
Comment by jjmm — 22 April 2009 @ 4:06 am
Your post appears to measure success in monetary terms but success can come in many forms. I think a man living harmoniously with his wife and 3 children in a modest home, driving an economical car is equally successful if not more than the empty lonely man who is driven around by drivers in several luxury cars, lives in a gated community and owns his own business. But then in the story of your friend he does not feel that he is empty and lonely because he has his second wife but what about the kids? His old wife can be history but what about the kids? They are a part of him. Can that be history? I think not. I think there is something seriously wrong with a man who can consider his kids history and I don’t consider him successful at all. Sorry so serious. Today not sampat. Must have been something I ate at breakfast. Hahaha.
Reply : Yes I was referring his success as a businessman and not a family man. I didn’t touch on that bcoz I might ‘terasa’. :P
When a man moves on and has things good as him, he moves on. He forgets about his kids. He sends his old parents away to live in old folks homes, etc.
Comment by mumsgather — 22 April 2009 @ 11:49 am
What about mothers? They r women too. Would a man be succesful if his mother stood behind him? =)
Reply : No he wouldn’t. He would subconsciously fail and cry back to the mom.
Comment by justin — 22 April 2009 @ 5:08 pm
I feel that in a marriage, either the husband or the wife should spent their most of their time at home with the kids. It doesnt matter whom or how. Society are more open today and technology has enable us to work from home. If neither are willing to sacrifice then i feel that its best not to have kids.
Though, the pressure to provide the best for the family material wise are forcing people to overlook their role as parents. Some are even taking it as an easy excuse not to perform their duty.
Reply : I think if a man still subscribe to the traditional way of thinking then they would leave the responsibility to the wife and just concentrate on cari duit.
Comment by leyaw — 22 April 2009 @ 10:41 pm
Heh..those 2 successful women you’re talking about? They have a couple (or more) of maids. So..whatever it is, women are still doing the grunt work.
Reply : Ok, you have a point.
Comment by mott — 23 April 2009 @ 11:41 am