A random post of things you probably find very mou liu.  I took my offline notes and combined it into this long post.  See I told you my butt is heavy.  Btw, pu-pu is jargon for tipu-tipu.

Super Power

A young punk asked me what is the one super power that I would like to have.  I told him that’s such a childish question but answered him anyway, in a very mature and dignified manner, with a slightly fake British accent, "Why… I’d like to jump like in the Jumper movie."  One minute I’m in KL and then *Poof!* I’m on top of the Eiffel Tower.  *Poof!*  I’m in Denise_Milani’s shower.  No more poofs. :P

Young punk tells me he’d like to have the ability to look inside people’s mind and influence them.  Like Greg_Grunburg’s character, Matt_Parkman in the TV series, Heroes.  He then gives me this stare as if trying to influence my mind to ask him why.  I ask why.  He says so he can influence every hot chick he meets to sleep with him.

Actually that’s a pretty good super power to have. :P

The great iPhone hoo haa

Both my partner and my youngest brother are iPhone users.  My partner won’t admit it (he’s a true blue Apple user) but I think he misses his previous HTC.  Once in a while when he’s unaware that I’m watching him, I would catch him cursing his iPhone.  "Stupid $%#%!"

My brother is not a true blue Apple user, not a tech savvy, internet surfing user.  He’s just a trend chaser and just likes to have the latest phones.  He told me he wished he hadn’t gotten the iPhone.  He wished he had done more research before lining up at the Maxis_centre with the rest of the world.  He told me that the queue at the Kepong branch was filled with lala chais and lala muis, who arrived in their heavily modified ‘wajalutions’ (Wajas modifed to look like Mitsubishi Evolutions).

He spent quite sometime trying to figure out how to copy all his mp3s and his gf’s photos over to his new phone.  He called Maxis and they weren’t much of a help.  They just told him to register with iTunes.  So he finally turned to me for help and I set it up for him.

A certain celebrity blogger said that the iPhone’s on-screen keyboard was fairly easy to use.  Now if you’ve never used a Blackberry or any smartphone with a qwerty keypad, I’d believe you.  If you have toothpicks as fingers, I’d believe you.  I find the keyboard to be such an annoyance.

Now another celeb blogger of a certain ‘nang’ company, once blogged about his iPhone.  He said he wished he had never bought it.  He listed some reasons why the iPhone sucked.  I agreed with him then.

Then one day, when one of his clients brought the iPhone officially into Msia, this celeb blogger changed his tune and sang praises of the ‘official’ iPhone.  Hello! Official or not, it’s still the same iPhone!  Of course it has 3G now but it still has the same 2mp camera, no mms, no video, cannot save email attachments, cannot transfer files via bluetooth and on and on and on.  So pu-pu man.  pu-pu is jargon for tipu-tipu.

I’d take a Blackberry (or even a HTC) over the iPhone any day.

If any of my readers are iPhone users, I just wanna tell you, the iPhone is the best phone in the world!!! Yea…. clap hand, clap hand, jump around sing song, scratch buntut. :P

Btw, if you want to own an iPhone and want it for free, you should try joining McD’s blogging contest.  http://www.mymcd.com.my/bloggercontest/howtowin.html.  I’d join not bcoz of the prize but just to see if they would like a completely sampat and mental post about their lunch (and services). Muahahahahaha.

Leng chai

Leng chai or leng lui.  That term is supposed to mean a handsome guy or a pretty girl, right?  But I think it’s become so common because people use it in a ’saja’ or pu-pu manner.  Example, when I’m dining at one of those char chan teng say Kim Gary, I wouldn’t call out, "Eksuse me waiter" or "Eksuse me miss".  I’d normally call out, "Eksuse me Leng Chai!" or "Eksuse me Leng Lui!". 

Just because I use the term ‘Leng’, doesn’t really have to mean I think that person is a leng lui or leng chai, correct or not?  It was used in a pu-pu manner.  A means of greeting someone.

Unless it’s used like dis, "Lei hou 7 leng lui ahhhh. Leng! leng! leng!", then it really does imply that the girl is really pretty.  Or like dis, "Adrian charn hai leng chai oooh".  That also implies that Adrian is very the hensem hensem.

So.  The other day I was having lunch with my partner and he went to order the food while I sat at the table.  The lady (probably in her late twenties) asked my partner in chinese, "Ah sai, eat what?"  I’m not sure what’s the definition of ah sai.  I think it’s boss?

When the food arrived, I ask the helper (either a Myanmar or Vietnamese) for an extra plate of chilli.  I assumed she understood chinese so I spoke to her in chinese.  She didn’t understand me but didn’t say anything either.  Instead she went back to her boss and told her I wanted something.  The lady boss came over to our table and asked me in chinese, "Leng Chai, what u want?"

My partner couldn’t believe what he heard, "WTF!? She called me ah sai but called you leng chai!? Blind or wat?"

I’m not perasan la.  I know it was used in the same pu-pu manner.  More like referring to the gender of a person.  A male is leng chai, female is leng lui.  Correct or not?  But of course in front of my partner, I had to bask in my moment of glory.  "Whatodo. People can only see my hensem face. It’s something I’ve had to live with for most of my life."  I so pu-pu hor? :P

At that moment, life just had to send the helper back with my extra plate of chilli.  And she asked me "Ini chilli ah, Uncle?"

Niamah!

The pharmacist

I seldom visit a doctor.  I normally go to my regular pharmacist.  For some reason I just feel more comfortable with her.  Cold, sore throat, cough, fever or kentut non-stop, she takes care of all my medication needs.  Some times it’s to stock up on some ‘pills’.

On my last visit over the weekend, I went to stock up again.  Normally I’d just tell her how many packs of _Postinor2_ I need.  This time she very sing muk and asked me "The usual?"  I said yes.  She passed it to me and commented, "Wah, very fast finish hor?"

I was taken by surprise by her comment and my brain couldn’t think fast enough to which I could only reply, "Yeah lor. I read it’s supposed to make my face more smoother and look younger but so far not much difference also."  Her eyes open big big and I walked away to pay at the counter.

Of course, I’m not taking the pill but eh, true wan you know.  I no pu-pu you wan.  Men who take the pill have smoother skin.  (but your breasts also become big in the long run) :P

Serious!  A few years ago school kids were taking pills to get rid of their acne problems.  It was reported in the media and they put up restrictions.  You couldn’t just buy it off the counter.  You had to give your name and IC number.  I no pu-pu you wan. 

Turning two

My partner’s kid, who is also my god son, turned two recently.  I was invited to the birthday bash and my partner told me to bring V along.  I asked him what about his wife, who is a friend of mine and also knows the mother of my children.  I don’t want it to be awkward for V or his wife.  He told me that he doesn’t keep secrets from his wife.  Pu-pu!

V tagged along.  It was awkward. :P

I remember it was 1998 when I got out of the lift of a building along Jalan_Raja_Chulan and saw a large group of people gathering by the roadside.  I crossed the road to get to my client’s office and stopped to see smoke coming out from one of the buildings.  There was a small fire.  I noticed this cute young lady standing close by and I told her I hoped it wasn’t her office that was on fire.  She said she hoped that it would burn to the ground and laughed. 

We exchanged business cards and got together for some drinks together with her friends later that week when I went to visit that same client.  My partner was with me at that time and I told him to tag along.  They didn’t hit it off but after a few more gatherings and dinners, my partner got ‘feel’ wor he said. 

After about a month, they arrived together to dinner holding hands.  3 years down the road, I was MC at their wedding.  Right off, they wanted a child but for some reason wasn’t succesful in conceiving.  When she finally got pregnant, it got into some complications and they lost the first pregnancy.

That’s all history as they’ve got a ‘cacing’ 2 year old now, who’s a handful to carry even for a seasoned toddler carrying expert like me. :P

The ‘commission’ dilemma

We were shortlisted by a potential client for a one year contract.  I was called to meet the head of marketing for negotiations.  He said my proposal of 105k was over their budget by 15k.  He wanted to negotiate.  I told him on the spot, done deal.  90K with a condition that they sign the contract within a week, or else 105k stays.  I was pu-pu of course.  My partner and I had already decided that they were a good brand to add to our portfolio and as long as we didn’t make a loss, we’d be very accomodating. :P

He was impressed that I didn’t need to go back to discuss.  I told him he was dealing with the Master of the Universe.  He could talk to me.

He immediately liked me and told me that he would champion us to get the contract.  His boss is the one who signs the contract but he is the one who picks the successful bidder because their web initiative comes under marketing which is led by him.  I thanked him and told him he would get a new proposal in a day.

On my way back from his office, I get a phone call from him.  He asked me if I wanted to have lunch but I declined as I had already reached KL.  Sensing hesitation in his voice, I asked him what it was that he wanted to talk about.

He pu-pu at first, saying times are hard la, bla, bla, bla but in the end asked me if I was willing to mark up the proposal to 140K!  He wanted a cut from the deal.  50K to be shared among him (GM) and his two managers, 30k-10k-10k.  Guaranteed the contract would go to us.

I’ve done plenty of such deals before during my employment days.  But those days, I didn’t feel the karma would fall on me because I always told my gwai lo boss about such deals.  And because he never objected, I took it as he was the one who authorized it.  It’s his signature on the contract anyway.

But honestly hor, I don’t believe in karma (dat much) hor.  So you know where I stand lor… muahahahahaha!  Eh, times are bad leh!  Need marnee for the divorce leh!  (Notice my chinaman business voice come out oledi.)  :P

My ‘use recycled paper, conserve energy, save the whales, change the world’ partner on the other hand wants to ask them to fly kite.  We do all the work, they buta-buta pocket 50k.  Technically, our work is covered by the 90k.  And it’s not really buta-buta becoz they did meet all vendors, evaluate each proposal and choose the winning one.  Oklah, quite buta-buta also lah.

So how? So how?