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I don’t remember celebrating Father’s Day with my dad when I was young.  I don’t think we ever celebrated it.  Only when I was a working adult did we have some sort of celebration.  I think it was my first girlfriend’s initiative to have dinner with my dad.  She also made me buy a cake.  My dad always wanted a daughter but got three sons instead.  I think that’s why he always had good relationships with my girlfriends.

After I got married and moved out, my brother would bring my parents out for dinner every Father’s Day.  In all the years that I have been married, I think I have only showed up for dinner three times.  I’m not a filial son.  I’m the worst kind.  One day I might get struck by lightning.  But yet, I still don’t have the heart to do anything.  Even more so now after my dad kena stroke and can’t really communicate.  Every time I’m back at my parent’s home, I’ll just greet him and the rest of the time I’ll just do my own thing.

I know there will come a time when he will no longer be with us and I will regret it.  And I will be reminded of all the times when I was young and all the things he did for me.  I wish my dad was young again.  I don’t know what happened to the relationship that we had when I was a young kid.  It got lost when I became a teenager and it just never felt the same again.

Yeah ok.  Happy Father’s Day.

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Let’s continue from the ‘Behind every succesful man is a woman’ post.

Everyone has their own definition.  I have mine.  But individuals who have experience it, can truly say it with conviction.

Dr.M said it before.

Anwar’s wife Dr_Wan_Azizah allows him to say it out loud with pride.  Without her he would have been long forgotten.

Lee_Kuan_Yew said the same about Mdm_Kwa.

John_Chow said his wife was his number one reason for his success.  Always cheering him on and inspiring him to succeed.

Pak_Lah quickly remarried because he knew the ingredient for success.  Oklar, not all are success stories. :P

Seen our new PM’s wife lately?  You dare tell me she’s not playing a part in his success?  Can you guess who came out with his brilliant branding campaign 1Msia, his blog, tweets and even facebook?  I dunno, I’m asking you. ;)

Men are the most unbalanced creatures.  Walk also senget wan.  Noticed or not?  Who keeps a man balanced?  Only a woman can.  Who can he turn to when something goes wrong?  If he can’t, he’ll just keep it all inside.  Only a woman can take care of a man’s emotional needs.  Only a woman can inspire a man, give him motivation and be his reason to achieve something.

Oklar. Enough oledi with the bs.  Which comes to the reason for my post.

When I decided to take over the business, the first thing I did was work on a cashflow projection.  I cannot stress how important this is for people who want to start a business.  I did not want to go into it and ‘chap lup’ in the end which happened to a business venture I went into many years back.  A friend’s uncle was opening a cafe in 1U and my friend had a part in it.  He asked me to join in.  Both of us didn’t know anything about the food business but his uncle had work experience in Vietnam.  Trusting his uncle I just blindly took a small stake, believing that food business will always make money.  

At that time the New_Wing was under construction.  We believed that when the New_Wing opened, our business would take off because we were located at the lower ground walkway connecting the Old_Wing with New_Wing.  Unfortunately we couldn’t last the distance.  It was either pump in more money or sell the business to someone else.  My friend’s uncle decided not to continue and wanted to sell his stake to us but what did we know about running a restaurant.  So Kaboom!  We cut our loses.

That failure was a big lesson for me.  My wife made sure I was reminded of my ‘foolishness’.

But with my business now, it’s different.  I know the industry.  I know the business.  Since my boss is leaving, it’s really just continuing the business without him (and pay).  It was a risk worth taking.  I came out with a cashflow and had a projection of the worst case scenario.  I had a number as capital that would sustain the business for two years.  I offered my current partner a slice of the pie.  He was only willing to fork out a small sum which was fine by me.  I had some savings and we were also being offered pay packages by my boss.  I took a risk with almost everything I had.

I told my significant other.  She was on board with the idea until I told her how much money was involved and the sacrifices I had to make.  I had to give up our office in the Twin_towers.  I was only going to retain a handful of employees, only those under my partner’s department.  I had to give up the company beemer.  I had to give up my meal allowance which meant the company wasn’t paying for our meals anymore.  I had to give up travel allowance, full petrol and handphone claim.  I was going to take a much much lower salary than what I was getting.  And most of all, I wasn’t going to get 10% commission on every business deal.

All this will change when the company makes serious money of course.

I did not need my wife to take care of the home while I went out on my ‘quest to succeed’.  She can continue to work and she should, since she was earning more than me at that time.  I can concentrate on my business and stay at home to look after the kids (Last time I got maid mah).  Besides got chips and ice-cream also. :P

All I wanted was some support.  Building a business doesn’t happen overnight.  You think I got any support?

All I got was negativity.  That I should go out and work for someone, especially foreign companies with operations here.  Demand a well enough pay with fringe benefits.  Steady income every month.  Commission.  Company car.  Meal allowance.  I had already failed once.  I was wasting time.  Business is not for me.

I met a guy last year and we have been in regular contact through business.  He was one of the senior partners of a fast moving company.  They were to be listed on the second board and the financial crisis in the 90s struck.  He suffered heavy loses in the share market.  He lost every thing including his home.  After everything settled down, he started another company.  He was a one man show.

This time things were progressing slowly.  He would go more than a year without salary.  His wife was the bread winner and supported him with her salary which wasn’t much.  She also had to pay for the car loan and the rental of their apartment.  He thought about giving up the business and going back to full time employment but his wife was against it.

Instead his wife encouraged him and gave him her full support.  He remembers clearly what his wife told him that caused him to leap up and strive to succeed.  His wife told him that he shouldn’t give up and should continue with the business.  She believed in his ability to build the business.  He had done it before (with the earlier company) and she was confident he would be able to do it again.

Today he is no longer a one man company.  He even started a branch in India employing over 70 employees.  He is grateful to his wife for believing in him.  If she hadn’t shown belief in him, he would probably be in full time employment.

Having the support of a significant other is a big encouragement factor.  Someone that believes in you, cheers for you and lifts up your spirits even if you fall flat on your ass.  That is my definition of ‘Behind every successful man is a woman’.  It’s an old saying but taken in today’s context, it should work both ways.  Man, woman, she-man, he-woman, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, watevar! :P

Well I don’t have a woman behind me but I got……  I pigi tidor dulu.  Tomorrow got meeting.  Sambung besok.

When I was earning a steady income working for someone, my wife always told me that I should go into business instead.  She felt that by working for someone my income was capped.  There’s only so much you can earn when you’re working for someone.  Using real life examples of people we knew who had gone into business and had become wealthy, she felt owning a business is always better than working for someone.  

One example is a guy called W who worked in the same company as us (my wife and I worked in the same company when we met).  W was one of the sales managers in the same division as my wife.  When I left the company, W was already married with three kids.  He drove a Perdana and lived in a modest flat.  A few years later at an ex-colleagues wedding dinner, I met W again.  He had left his wife and three kids.  He sat next to me and sitting next to him was his new wife.  He told me that he had started his own company at the encouragement of his new wife.

At that time I was doing quite ok in my career and I was Country Manager for a Scandinavian consulting company.  His new wife kept asking me questions about how I build my contacts, what I do to build relationships with clients, etc.  When they found out I played golf with clients, she immediately told W that he should pick up golf.  I got the impression that she was ‘pushing’ him or maybe I should say driving him.  And I mean it in a good way.

A few years after that dinner, I saw W’s face featured in newspapers and business magazines.  I then had business opportunities with him when he asked me to help launch online portals for a few foreign embassies, all his clients.  In my eyes, he was a successful businessman.  He owned the 3 storey shoplot his company was operating from.  He was driven around by a driver in a S-Class, he also owned a Volvo and a Toyota Harrier.  He owned a home in a prestigious gated community.  He doesn’t have any regrets in leaving his first wife and three kids.  If he hadn’t done so, he believed he wouldn’t be where he is today.  They are history as far as he is concerned.  He only wants to concentrate on his life now.  He also told me that his second wife was helping him in his business and he credited his success to his wife.  She was constantly driving him on to succeed.  He stands by the saying, ‘Behind every successful man is a woman’.

In Uncle_Lim_Goh_Tong’s book, which I have to say is the ‘clean’ version (I do not believe that he did not have to bribe anyone to get those mega projects).  He did however mention something similar where he said he appreciated his wife’s sacrifices and contribution to his success.  He married his wife when she was just 16.  In those days it was the norm to marry at a very young age.  If you try that today, you’d probably end up in jail. :P

Uncle_Lim said he was very grateful for his wife.  Uncle_Lim had to travel and was away often but his wife fully understood the nature of his work.  She took care of the household.  Never once did Uncle_Lim had to worry about the children because he knew his wife was there.  She made sure he had a warm and cozy home to come back to, where he could relax and forget about his troubles outside.  It was her policy to not interfere in his external affairs and concentrated only on her role as homemaker.   According to Uncle_Lim, because of this, they seldom quarreled and they were able to enjoy a blissful life.

Taking care of the household is not only what she did as she also had a hand in a few decisions related to his business such as the naming of Genting_Highland in Chinese.  When he ran into business and financial problems, she was always ready to share his problems and give him encouragement and support without complaints.

But honestly I think that was zaman dulu.  I think in those days women didn’t have the opportunity they have today.  So no choice.  In this day and age, women are more empowered, more independent and stronger.  Staying at home to be a homemaker is a choice one makes and no longer a ’so no choice’.

When I asked my wife if she wanted to stay at home after dotter was born, she made it clear that there was no way in hell that she was going to give up her career.  It wasn’t because we needed the money.  My income alone could cover our expenses.  It was because she had real prospects in her work to go into management and she didn’t want to give that up.  In all honesty, I’m glad she didn’t give up her career because I don’t think she could stand the pressures of being a homemaker, dealing with two sakkai kids.

When my boss decided to pull out, I decided to take over the business.  I told my wife and she was against the idea.  WTF rite?  All those years of saying that I should go into business but when I finally decided to, she becomes all negative.  Now I know why I’m still not successful.  I didn’t have a woman behind me. :P

I’ve got more to say but in the next post lar.  I’m not feeling well today.  The weather’s freaking hot and my ‘telurs’ are already separuh masak liao.

ZZZZZZZZZZZ…..

I shared this link on facebook and really thought I should share it here as well because it is quite a feel good story.  Quite inspirational and a good wake up call as well.  I shared this with V and she was moved to tears (at least I think she was).  She’s been hooked since and have been following the fan site. :P

I can’t embed the video here because embedding has been disabled by YouTube so I’ll just paste the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

This is the story about 47 year old Susan_Boyle who went to addition on Britain’s Got Talent.  Before going on stage, she confessed that she lives alone with her cat, never been married and never been kissed.  I had read somewhere that when she walks down the street, kids would make fun of her and laugh at her because of the way she looked and because she was a loner.  She was also often bullied when she was young because she had a learning disability.

So when she went out on stage, she got the same cynical reaction.  She struggled a bit with a question Simon_Cowell asked her about where she’s from.  The studio audience whistled, sneered, rolled their eyes - the usual stuff they do when they don’t think highly of someone.

But then Miss Boyle sang and the rest is history.  She became an overnight sensation, topping UK’s most searched for person online.

The audience gave her a standing ovation.  The judges were shell shocked and moved to tears.  Simon was feeling so ‘lum’ that he is in the process of organising a record deal for her.

Now it got me thinking.  Why do so many viewers get teary eyed by watching her sing?  Even a macho macho man like me, almost got teary eyed.  Akcerli no lah! Where got!? :P

I think the answer is quite simple.  What Miss Boyle did, smacked me right in the face.  It was a wake up call.  A reminder of how judgemental society have become.  We only take notice of outer beauty, what we see on the outside is given such high regards - a beautiful face, a sexy body, cool and hip clothes, etc.

We treat people with respect when they are beautiful on the outside.  It’s easier to be friends with pleasantly looking people.  We strike up a conversation with that beautiful young woman (or person) while waiting in line but ignore that other person who live one floor above us when we bump into each other in the same lift.

When I was young, I only took interest in the pretty ones and didn’t even notice their friends.  Some of who I realize now, had a much interesting personality than their pleasantly looking friends.

Although I’ve vastly improved at my age now than when I was younger, sometimes we tend to forget.  I offer to take some clients out to lunch but make up excuses to some others when they offer me instead because in my mind, I am already subconsciously judging them.  I listen to the cool guy in front of me talk about football but ignore that uncool guy sitting right beside me who’s trying to do the same.  I stop to chat with some parents of my dotter’s friend but walk past some others.  I greet some neighbours and others I ignore.

All these I’m still guilty.  Even though I remind myself to treat everyone the same.

So the next time I see that lady in the lift, I’m going to strike up a conversation about her grandchildren instead of just turning around to face the door.  The next time the guy sits beside me again, I’m going to take an interest in what he has to say about Man United (even though I hate MU).

That’s what Miss Boyle does to me.  Reminds me to never judge a book by it’s cover.

For the past two years or so when I was having all the problems at home, I went through a very emo period.  Sikit-sikit feel emo.  Sikit-sikit feel emo.  I think I might have gone into depression if not for the sampat-ness that I had left in me. :P

During that emo period, I started noticing clouds again.  Yes.  Clouds.  Clouds in the sky.  

I knew clouds were always there, up in the sky but really I never took notice and appreciated how magnificent those buggers looked, especially in the evenings.  Perhaps I should say I forgot.  When you’re feeling emo, you tend to notice these kind of things.  The more I took notice of clouds, the more I loved them.  Yeah, you can say it.  Adrian is a cloud lover.  

Some times I would come across a view of a skyline filled with clouds of all shape and sizes, big ones and little ones, white ones and grey ones, and the sun shines at the perfect angle.  It’s simply breathtaking.  Makes me wonder why I never stopped to appreciate it more.  Perhaps the world just spins faster these days.  We’re living in such a fast paced world now and everyone seems to be rushing somewhere.  Rushing home, rushing for appointments, to beat the jam, to beat the rain, to reply emails, rushing for donuts, etc.

Clouds reminds me of my childhood.  A time and place when things weren’t so rushed.  Seemed like the days were longer then.

Clouds reminds me of the days when I grew up living with my late grandmother.  Those were the days.  Kids could go out cycling the whole day (oklar, maybe half a day) and parents wouldn’t be worried sick as they would be today.  My friends and I would cycle everywhere, and it was not just boys but girls as well.  I was in standard five which would mean I was just 10 or 11 years old.  I don’t see many kids at that age today given such liberty.  But of course, it’s a different world now where young children can be victims of brutal crimes.

My friends and I would some times go to a playground near our area and just lay on the grass looking up at the clouds in the sky.  We’d just point and try to imagine what the shape of the cloud resembled.

Clouds also remind me of the times when my brothers and I would sit in my dad’s old Ford Laser and we would turn around to look out the back windscreen, looking up at the sky, playing the same game.  My dad would shout at us to sit our asses down.  There were no rear seat belts then.

Somewhere along the lines, I grew up.  Didn’t have time for such ‘mou liu’ things.  Each time I looked up, I only saw the sky.  Didn’t even notice the clouds were there.  Each time I got stuck in a traffic jam, I only noticed how slow the cars were moving and how my time was ticking away.

But I’ve started noticing the beauty of clouds again.  I think it’s because I’m growing old and sentimental.  

Wouldn’t it be a good idea to go on a date just to lay on the grass somewhere and watch the clouds.  You could pack some sandwiches, some grapes and perhaps a bottle of red wine.  What to do you think?  Would that be a date you’d go on or would you think that your date is cuckoo? :P

Whatever it is, I’ve included some examples.  Just to help you get started along on how to identify what clouds could look like.  Let’s see how well you do.

Here we have a woman sitting on her bed reading a magazine on Home Decor.

Here we have a samurai warrior riding on a big wolf, trying to bake a chocolate cake. If I could also draw your attention to the bottom right corner, a young man listening to his iPod while waiting for his piece of the cake.

Here we have in the distance, a man trying to polish his shoes while trying to eat his laksa at the same time. He forgot to order drinks.

Here we have a slightly deformed crocodile trying to update his status on facebook.

Ok, joking aside.  Clouds are quite beautiful.  No?  Perhaps then you are more of a clear blue sky type of person.

Well life is not always clear blue skies.  Life is filled with clouds, all sorts of clouds, but it doesn’t mean clouds aren’t a good thing rite?  Sometimes we need to slow down and start appreciating clouds again.

ps: Did you know that there is a cloud appreciation society dot org.  I kid you not.  Do a search on google.